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A Rock God's Twelve Commandments

Follow @MikeSlickster

Today's social media has made it infinitely easier to join an instant, worldwide fan club of normally out-of-reach, famous entertainers such as TV personalities, radio disc jockeys, movie stars, symphonic orchestras, record labels and producers, county-and-western singers, sundry musicians of every genre, pop stars and beloved rock-'n'-roll gods; allowing the actual reaching-out and communicating on a one-to-one basis with each other and providing an exciting game of wits. Many of the renown celebrities only post about their outstanding achievements and stellar endeavors, both past and present, onto their various timelines and tweets, with an occasional mention or re-tweet of a fan's goings-on about how great the performer is or was, and how the former had a tremendous, unforgettable experience at one of the latter's live shows. Re-posting or liking the aforementioned diatribes along with Website hyperlinks to positive, well-written articles referencing the phenomenal greatness on behalf of the respective star, supplies a splendid way for the showman—or woman—to advertise themselves and self-promote their awesomeness to the eager masses.

Celebrity fanatics make up far-fetched monikers, using their favorite heartthrob, megastar or icon's name as their own, presumably with hopes of attracting the attention of their well-know namesakes or gullible followers. From my general experience with trying to brown-nose and get recognition from my personal rock gods, I've noticed how many ambitious fans are more creatively diligent and ass-kissing than I could ever be, making a conciliatory comment about, or re-tweeting every last word of their idol's self-profound declarations; but I'm sometimes able to get a "favorite" on Twitter by probably the most friendly ones of the lot, although it ain't very often and never from most of the others.

To be helpful to those whose attempt to consistently capture a rock star's roving eye and has regularly failed to produce any satisfactory acknowledgement, I've created a list of simple commandments to be religiously followed, guaranteeing success in receiving a nod from your favorite big kahuna. Note instead of the usual Ten Commandments, two others were added due to a rock god's inflated ego:

    Commandment #1: I am the king of rock-'n-'roll. Thou shalt not worship any other rock gods or bands before me.

    Commandment #2: Thou shall buy in excess, our t-shirts, records and fan paraphernalia before that of other rock gods.

    Commandment #3: Thou shalt not take my name, thy rock god, in vain.

    Commandment #4: Remember the concert day nearest you, to keep it holy and tailgate in the venue's parking lot.

    Commandment #5: Honor our band mates, roadies and stage crew (that should be a given anyway).

    Commandment #6: Thou shalt not scalp tickets or bootleg recordings.

    Commandment #7: Thou shalt not mess with our selected groupies.

    Commandment #8: Thou shalt not infringe on our copyrights.

    Commandment #9: “Thou shall not covet, attempt to steal, or damage our Fender, Gibson, Gretsch, Pearl, Ludwig, Martin, Marshall, Vox, Farfesa, Epiphone, (whomever else's brand can be inserted here) musical equipment (another given).

    Commandment #10: Thou shall not bear false witness against any of our past performances.

    Commandment #11: Thou shalt not miss any of our guest-host appearances on TV or pay-for-view, miss any of our movies in the theaters while posting to your favorite social-media site during and after such event about how great the performance or film was. (Guess this writer is going to rock-&-roll hell!)

    Commandment #12: Thou shall re-tweet and favor all our tweets, like and share every one of our FB posts, Instagrams and pins from Pinterest, no matter how pompous and ridiculously self-serving they might be; for I am a rock god.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 17th, 2013 06:29 pm (UTC)
The Ten Commandments
Holy Moses Mike does a violation mean we are doomed to fire & Brimstone?
Jul. 22nd, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)
Re: The Ten Commandments
No, just a purgatory-like sentence, listening only to old Barry Manilow, 45-RPM records on the wrong speed(sometimes backward), while the rock-and-roll sinners are dressed in fringed-leather jackets, tie-dye t-shirts and bell-bottom trousers for the amount of years corresponding to the commandment number broken, times ten.
Jul. 26th, 2013 05:10 am (UTC)
Re: The Ten Commandments
I rather like Barry Manilow though would I notice the difference if he was played backwards? I may be in good company if the rock and roll sinners are donned in leather jackets but it may be a bit hot being next door to hell?

I think Heavens the place for me but if it means listening to harp music all day then it's possible I might have second thoughts & get a bit more raving & misbehaving done along the way
Jul. 27th, 2013 02:18 pm (UTC)
Re: The Ten Commandments
What's great about Purgatory is you get out allegedly, and sooner if you follow the Pope on Twitter. He gives out indulgences for that. Oh, Martin Luther must be rolling in his grave over that.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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