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Today's Tirade

No matter how the spam filters in my in-box are set up with key words and phrases, junk and unwanted correspondences always make it through regardless. I checked my e-mail this afternoon and found the regular aggregate of offers to enlarge my manhood, or keep it up; please my lover by taking a little blue pill while impressing others with a fake Rolex watch; obtain a university degree earned by my life experience, and not to mention, the ten million pounds for which I had just been named beneficiary by someone in Nigeria who shared my cognomen; but evidently the notification was sent to the wrong person, as my name is not "Undisclosed Recipients."

Then there are the forwarded e-mails from well-meaning friends who leave on the body of the electronic communication, all of the several previous senders, with the addresses to whom the message was sent, starting with the originator of the sappy joke or supposed heart-warming tale that has been floating around the Internet since Al Gore invented it. Worse yet, how about the dreaded chain-mail concoctions that propose good health and much wealth, while perhaps even granting a wish come true, provided one passes the abomination to at least a dozen folks from their address book; otherwise, unmentionable destruction and unparalleled devastation awaits those who delete it? Doesn't it makes you want to e-mail back the perpetrator a few days later, asking them if anything extraordinary resulted in their life from their having blessed me with such an atrocity? I know I do, for nothing had yet happened to me from my having immediately sent the absurdity directly to my recycle bin.

Lastly, my greatest peeve is with didactic diatribes, professing the political views of the sender, with facts and statements held firm as God's own truths, believed by them because it was sent by someone from the beloved "Inter-Web." That makes me want to send back a rebuttal with a link to "snopes.com," debunking the contents of their nonsensical jeremiad; however, I've refrained from doing so; for it isn't worth insulting a friend with my constant complaints and own personal rants. The main thing is the thought: at least I have a friend who cares enough to keep in touch. In the immortal words of one of my lifelong heroes, Paul Harvey (may he rest in peace), "Good day."

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November 2019


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